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Holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries... special days traditionally full of joy, family togetherness, gifts, thankfulness and memories are among the most difficult times for people who have experienced the death of someone they love. For those who mourn, these times can be filled with sadness, loneliness, dread and an intensified sense of loss.

Many people have found that the anticipation of special days is sometimes worse than the day itself. Therefore, it is more important to plan ahead for this vulnerable period of time.

While there are no simple guidelines to follow that will make grief easy to cope with during the holiday season, the following suggestions may help make your personal experience with grief more tolerable.

Talk about your grief.

You will aid your healing by finding people who will listen and help you feel understood.

Be gentle with yourself.

Respect what your body and mind are telling you, and work to lower your expectations of operating at high levels of efficiency.

Eliminate unnecessary stress.

Experience suggests that "keeping busy" really only increases stress and serves to postpone the need to talk out thoughts and feelings related to your grief.

Be with people you find supportive and comforting.

It takes significant energy to be with people who expect you to maintain a "happy face" all the time.

Do what is right for you on special days, as well as every day of the year.

Many people may feel they know what is best for you, but you're really the only one that can decide. Listen to your heart.

Express your faith.

Some people find comfort in the simple act of lighting a candle and saying a silent prayer in remembrance of their loved one, while others prefer the company of a faith congregation. Whether in community or solitude, explore ways that are meaningful and comforting for you to express your personal faith beliefs.

A final reminder... Grief is a process, not an event. Allow yourself to be embraced by the company of caring, compassionate people who can accept where you're at without trying to diminish or erase your grief. This is the best gift you can give YOURSELF, for the holidays and every day of the year.

Plan to plan ahead.

Decide which traditions you want to keep and what new ones you might want to begin. Plan ahead on how you will spend your time on these special days and allow yourself the flexibility to change your mind, if needed.

Embrace and treasure your memories.

Memories that were made in love can never be taken from you. Include the name of your loved one in conversations, and give the people permission to do the same.

Give yourself permission.

Permission to mourn, to cry, to feel your feelings... even permission to laugh, if the mood hits. Expect to have some difficult times during special festivities, but feeling love or joy is OK , too. This is a small sign of the power of healing at work.